do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
