I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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