I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
