I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
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