he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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