and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
