the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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