Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
