she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
