I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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