The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize