Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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