Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
