I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
