"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
