Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
