ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
