Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
