I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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