Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
