I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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