Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
