Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
