If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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