I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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