So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
