Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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