I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
