I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
