he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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