Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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