is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
