Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize