just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
