apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
