Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
