My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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