The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
