Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
