**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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