Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
