dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Do vagina's smell?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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