Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize