My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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