at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
In America we eat man semen.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
