Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
