Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
