We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
