if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
