my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
