We tried having a conversation with our noses.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she peed on how many people?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So vagazzling was a success
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
