Already got asked if we're dating
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize
