dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize