Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
