make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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