I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
