we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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