i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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