fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Randomize
