did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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