I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
