What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
