I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
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