I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
