just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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