yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
