i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
