make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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