She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
